The Exhibitionist Hotel certainly lives up to its name. Behind the demure exterior of an 18th century townhouse in South Kensington, there is a brazen, bold interior just waiting to expose itself to unsuspecting visitors.Searching for a last-minute stay in London to coincide with the Statoil Masters tennis tournament at the Albert Hall, this newly-opened hotel burst out of the iPad, flashing its rich, sumptuous fabrics and extraordinarily kooky artwork. I was completely besotted.
In real life the hotel is just as arresting as it appears online. Its lobby, bar and lounge areas are comfortable and stylish but there are huge dollops of fun and eccentricity to make you smile. Great design touches include the lift: a genius idea to transform a tiny, claustrophobia-inducing space into an exquisite garden with artificial grass on the walls and brightly-coloured magnetic letters – how many rude words can you make before the lift stops at your floor? Say hello to the huge bull in the lobby and make friends with the naked male floor lamp. Find the little green doggy in the fireplace and wonder how the upside-down legs got into the large white jardiniere. The artwork continues to delight in the stairways and along the corridors: fresh, innovative and just a little bit weird.
Fancy a cocktail? Sink into the ample sofas, let your eyes be dazzled by the colour chart behind the Abstract Bar and indulge in one or two sublime drinks such as a Twisted Pina Colada (Koko Kanu coconut rum with fresh lime juice and coconut meringue) or an Ardbeg Margarita (Ardbeg 10 year old whisky, Cointreau, maple syrup, shaken with lemon and lime juice).
Breakfast? A small but perfectly formed dining area: wall to wall mirrors and clean, white furniture give this area a remarkable sense of space. I just hope all the guests don’t want to eat at once.
So far, so gloriously different and bewitching. But then we have the rooms themselves and, with a heavy heart, I have to say we were disappointed. The same flashes of brilliance could be found – the floral ceiling light, the bold colour choices, the slate walls in the bathroom – but a hotel bedroom needs comfort. I can appreciate great design, but I need a wardrobe I can actually open properly, not one which is positioned so near to the bedside table that you can only use one side of it, and then with some difficulty. I would like a bit more space (I know it’s central London but this is an expensive hotel and I was in an upgraded luxury room). Tea and coffee-making facilities please? A chair to go with the table? There were ten sockets in the room, four of them under the table and none close to a mirror. Then there’s the feature window in the bathroom. I can see the sensuous appeal of the shower being visible from the bed (this is The Exhibitionist after all) but when that window also reveals the loo, I’m afraid, for me, that’s going a little too far.
There were also a few snagging issues – fair enough as it was only a couple of weeks post-opening – but we were surprised these little things hadn’t been spotted or that there were no customer feedback forms so we could inform management about the odd loose screw. The staff were polite and charming and will be an asset to the hotel although I sensed a lot of urgent paddling under the surface. Give it a few more weeks and I’m sure things will have settled down.
Nevertheless, despite all the things we adore about the place, I don’t think we will return, unless it’s just to enjoy the fabulous bar. We loved the art and the inspirational flashes of cool design but we needed a few home comforts. And when we had to complain twice for the music in the bar to be turned down as we were on the floor above and the bass level was driving us insane…we realised we must be getting old and intolerant.
It might not have been ideal for us as a couple but it’s still an extraordinary hotel. Take a peek…
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| Features of our luxury room |
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| The Great Green Elevator |
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| Corridor artwork – Â You won’t feel a thing… |
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| Dougie being scanned… |
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| How many tables? It’s all done with mirrors. |
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| Dougie’s new friend is a bit of a hot head. |
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| Abstract Bar – I’ll have what she’s having. We were offered a discounted rate of £190 per night for a luxury double room including breakfast and a complimentary cocktail. Rates vary so best to check online for current prices.Â
All opinions are my own.Â
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LOVE the look of the public areas, STUNNING – but what a shame the rooms didnt quite meet expectations. I want a bit of privacy on the loo- one likes to maintain an air of mystique – even when sharing with someone who has watched you give birth!
Exactly, Sonya, a bit of mystique is important. I made sure that my husband lay flat on the bed when I used the loo – and made sure I did when he paid a visit too.
I've got to give this place a go – if only to ride in that luscious lift!
The lift was brilliant. I don't like small spaces but this was so much fun, it took your mind off the size.
I do love the look of this hotel, it certainly looks memorable. Such a shame about the room though, no tea or coffee making facilities? Hopefully that was an oversight on their part!
Unfortunately not an oversight. No minibar either. The bar manager told us their idea was to encourage people to be more sociable- they hope people will use the bar and lounge areas for drinks.
What fabulous artwork, like you say it's worth going just to appreciate it. Such a shame about the rooms. I understand space is tight but clever thinking can get round that. And no tea facilities?? Whatever next?
Yes, definitely worth a visit.
Most luxury hotels provide a Nespresso machine. I would have been happy with at least a kettle 😉
with you on the window thing. there's a hotel in frankfurt that i've stayed in before and the bathroom is in a glass cube in the room. no thanks. other than that the rest looks most excellent
We had a glass bathroom in Madrid but it had blinds at the windows so you could decide how much to share!
No socket near a mirror? Fail. I used to travel with an adaptable extension cord, a converter, a set of adapter plugs, a roll of electricians' tape, extra fuses for the giant British plug… I'm less fussy about my hair now. If it's mussy I can always pretend to be an off-duty model or the mother of one, and I lost the tape and cutters in a B&B somewhere between Kilburn and hell, but adequate light plus mirror plus accessible socket plus a surface on which to line up my pots and potions – musts!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Trish, and thank you for your charming and insightful writings.
Ah this comment did make me chuckle. 'Off-Duty model' indeed!
Dougie usually takes a Swiss Army knife to fix screws and loose handles etc. I've lost count of the number of things he has tightened up in hotel rooms…..
oh its COOL but no coffee??no visit . what a shame
I've noticed some hotels abroad in resorts can occasionally not have kettles, but not in city hotels. Maybe if other guests mention it, this can be changed.
Was Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen a design consultant, by any chance?!
Taking a break from his winter wonderland?
I could forgive the lack of coffee, as it just looks such a different place to stay. I love the unusual! Amanda (The Ana Mum Diary)
I think I could have forgiven the lack of coffee too. It was the lack of space that was the real problem for me, Amanda. We stayed in The Thief in Oslo and that managed to be very arty but so comfortable too. But The Exhibitionist is definitely worth a try.
Um, I'm not sure it would be my kind of hotel.The lift does look fun but it looks a bit I don't know, I'm very much a traditionalist and a tea on waking before I shower is a must.
It's a bit of a Marmite hotel isn't it. There's a lot to be said for ensuring guests enjoy their pre-shower cuppa.
No kettle? how disappointing….I'm fit for nothing in the morning until I've had a cup of tea…and I'm sad to say that this hotel looks a little too 'young' for me!
It was too young for me too. It appeals to the cool set who don't need a wardrobe 😉
Nah – I like my chic shabby! Happy New Year to you and yours, Trish. 'See' you in 2015. xxx
What a shame that it didn't live up to your expectations. Like you say basic comforts are always expected and I have to say, what a handsome hubby you have! Mich x
I love the lift! Shame to hear about the snagging issues, hopefully they will solve them soon. It doesn't look cosy, but it looks fun! Apart from the loo! Don't like the sound of that!! 🙂 Happy New Year by the way! xx
What a shame about the room! The public areas look amazing, especially the lift but you'd expect better facilities in the rooms for that price.
It looks amazing, but I want to go to the loo in privacy too. We've stayed in places that have a window into the bathroom and it's a bit much really. We're obviously not made of exhibitionist stuff. 🙂
I am going to arrange a girls' night out to the Abstract Bar. How amazing it looks! Although, I'm not a fan of windows in bathrooms, either. And no tea and coffee facilities? Hmmm. It looks very fancy though. Happy new year Trish, hope you managed to get some rest over the festive period.
I love your expression" bit of a marmite hotel" – not sure what that means? There is a lorra lorra stuff going on here, but well named and looks fun. Great to here staff are polite and take comments, too often in London staff think they are above that sort of thing (service)
Hi there, looks so interesting, although bit ADHD, still fun, Back again as not sure if I got the thingumyjig thing right. Nice that service was attentive, sometimes I think that's the main thing
Oooh… I want to go!! LOVE the green elevator and I am a bit in love with that basin too. 🙂 xx