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Home  >  Blog  >  Mum’s Gone to the Moulin Rouge

Mum’s Gone to the Moulin Rouge

Trish Burgess Posted on20/06/201107/04/2016 Lincolnshire, Spalding 21 Comments

Well, not quite the Moulin Rouge, Paris, but it was South Lincolnshire’s equivalent, courtesy of the annual Spalding Midsummer Ball.

Last year the theme was Boogie Nights and we disco-danced to The Real Thing under spinning glitter balls. This year the theme was very ooh-la-la with can-can dancers, a cocktail bar and sumptuous red and black decor. Each table had as a centrepiece a funky transparent leg filled with tiny LED lights. The corridor leading to the main room had been designed to look like the dressing rooms of the Moulin Rouge: individual tables adorned with mirrors, bottles of perfume feathers and sequinned gowns. An incredible amount of hard work by the committee to see that every detail was perfect.

Our annual jaunt to the ball, for what must be our 10th year in a row, is always the highlight of our dwindling social calendar. I still remember our first one: our table consisted of fellow parents from Rory’s primary school. Dougie didn’t pace himself that night and I watched, in shame, as he returned from a visit to the gents and proceeded to sit himself down at someone else’s table and start supping at their wine. Meanwhile the whole of our table waved to him from 10 feet away. He was hurriedly removed from the room by me and bundled into a taxi before he embarrassed me any further. The next year one of our friends created a special placard for the back of his chair to aid his navigation. I’ve kept my beady eye on the bugger ever since, although our pals think I don’t give the old boy any slack; they ask me every year if I’ve brought my big hook with me.

This year Dougie behaved impeccably apart from a worrying incident when his wedding ring became caught on a key-ring which is sewn into the lining of his sporran. Inevitably this precipitated raucous laughter and ‘got your ring caught in your sporran’ innuendo abounded. Meanwhile he was getting very hot and bothered, rummaging around in his crotch region for some considerable time and putting up with even more jibes as the chaps at the table were waiting for the seemingly reluctant scotsman to contribute to the kitty.

The evening didn’t go smoothly for me, either. Dressed in a black satin dress, complete with elbow-length black gloves, there was some debate on the table about whether I should attempt to eat the meal with gloves on or off. No-one was quite sure of the etiquette regarding this, although there were plenty of ribald comments regarding my need to be gloved-up for any frolics after the ball was over. I decided to keep them on for the starter then removed them when I paid a visit to the ladies as the idea of wearing gloves for that activity just seemed wrong. When I came out of the cubicle I noticed the dye from the gloves had seeped out onto my hands and arms: I looked ridiculous with black fingers and blue-black forearms. You should have seen me, standing at the basin for ages scrubbing away at them like a demented OCD sufferer. As the black dye poured down the sink, I suspect I was given a very wide berth by the other ladies re-touching their lippy nearby.

I stayed in the shadows for the rest of the evening, apart from a few goes on the Gift Tree where, for a tenner a pop, you were guaranteed a prize. I was angling for a Kindle, or even a teddy bear like last year, but came away with vouchers for a cut and blow dry, a portrait sitting, and a bag of Toyota car-cleaning products. Not a bad haul and happy to have supported the charities Action Medical Research, Macmillan Cancer Support and Spalding Special Schools Federation.

Verdict on the ball? One of the best yet. Room looked fabulous, seating arrangements much improved from previous years, food was spot-on with perfectly cooked chicken served to 500 guests and the biggest puds I’ve ever seen….and Dougie stayed on his own table all night. Result.

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21 Comments

  1. sally Reply
    20/06/2011 at 3:57 pm

    What an image that presents…Scotsmen rummaging under their sporrans indeed.
    I'll pass thanks.
    Room sounds amazing….so glad it was a good evening.

  2. Steve Reply
    20/06/2011 at 4:59 pm

    Spalding is plainly the place to be but, alas, one place I have never been.

  3. Suzanne Reply
    20/06/2011 at 5:23 pm

    I wanna go! I wanna go!
    Sounds like you had such a great night, even with the mishaps. I love being in the company of friends and having good food and a boogie! (alas no where near as often as I would like).

  4. Kelloggsville Reply
    20/06/2011 at 7:39 pm

    you'll never live it down, next year someone will say "oh I see your frost bite cleared up then" 🙂

  5. libby Reply
    20/06/2011 at 8:01 pm

    Sounds like a smashing night….sporrans and scrubbing aside!

  6. MsCaroline Reply
    20/06/2011 at 9:42 pm

    Here we go again: just when I learned 'pashmina' you're adding 'sporran' to the mix….but honestly, the mental image of your husband rummaging around under his kilt really gave me the best laugh of the morning. Sounds like a wonderful evening!

  7. Expat mum Reply
    21/06/2011 at 3:16 am

    Awww, bless Dougie. Quietly getting drunk and sitting at someone else's table, causing no one any harm. Hilarious. Shall rib him about this in future! Might have to make a large sign!

  8. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    21/06/2011 at 7:07 am

    @Sally – he keeps money and a whole medicine chest in the thing!

    @Steve – I'll get you a ticket for next year then?

    @Suzanne – we meet up with the same friends on our table every year: a couple of them I only ever see each year at the ball so it's great for a catch up. Then we realise how old we're getting as the conversation revolves around GCSEs and car insurance for teenagers.

    @Kelloggsville – it was so early on in the evening, most of the women in the loos would have been pretty sober so can't have failed to miss my blackened limbs.

    @Libby – it was a very good evening even if we did flag soon after midnight and sneak off early.

    @Ms Caroline – a wonderful thing is a sporran. A man-bag for scotsmen.

    @Expat Mum – He's not one for getting drunk anyway so I don't know why I give him such a hard time, poor lad. But it was a classic.

  9. Sarah Reply
    21/06/2011 at 7:47 am

    I know what you mean by a dwindling social calender. I have to keep trying to patch mine up.

    Glad you had fun even if you did have a couple of wardrobe malfunctions…

  10. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    21/06/2011 at 9:40 am

    @Sarah – I remember the days when I didn't have to fill in a blank week in the diary with "Go to the shops".

  11. notwavingbutironing Reply
    21/06/2011 at 10:19 am

    I consider babysitting for someone else a riotous night out. I get to watch a DVD and eat peanuts. Anyway, the pic is lovely, you both look horribly youthful. Something in the water in Spalding?

  12. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    21/06/2011 at 10:54 am

    @notwavingbutironing – I think it's more to do with a soft-focus blur from the subdued lighting and the slightly tipsy friend who took the photo.

  13. Very Bored in Catalunya Reply
    21/06/2011 at 12:18 pm

    Is it wrong that I really want to meet Dougie – with wine obviously!

    Sounds like you had a great night. x

  14. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    21/06/2011 at 1:21 pm

    @Very Bored – you want to meet him? He has an appointment next Thursday, 4.30. People usually bring a sample but a bottle of wine will do nicely.

  15. About Last Weekend Reply
    21/06/2011 at 5:40 pm

    Enchante! How incredibly fabulous – and you and hubs looks totally fab too! Love that necklace! Have been studying these photos closely (not like a stalker though) as have been thinking of doing Moulin Rouge as a fundraiser for our school. Loving seeing pics of you on your blog – I think this might be one of the first one I've seen of you. Re satin dress and leaking gloves: Lady Gaga would be all over this one! (Your should copyright this idea). Also hooking sporran! (sp?)

  16. Anonymous Reply
    21/06/2011 at 6:59 pm

    Absolutely great photo. As far as sporrans go, having been born in Scotstoun and living my formative years in Thurso – I am well aware of the dangers of “spelunking in sporrans” – whoops, that came out wrong!! I was alluding to men spelunking in their sporrans not my personal experience. But Dougie and his sporran with portable medicine cabinet sound handy to have around in case of medical emergency. The “Heilan” laddies of my youth seemed to use their sporrans to carry little more than a bottle of whiskey and they never had money – but then again how much more medicinal can you get than single malt uisge beatha.
    Marion

  17. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    22/06/2011 at 7:00 am

    @Aboutlastweekend – I can't believe you've never seen my old mush on the blog before: I'm not usually reticent. There are some corkers to be found in the 'am-dram' section!
    It was a great theme for decoration purposes: velvet, lace and anything decadent!

    @Marion – Antihistamine and paracetamol are usually found in the inner recesses of the wee pouch.
    So glad you commented as I've tried to reply to your recent emails and they keep coming back to me unsent. So may I say now, it's always lovely to hear from you and thanks again for the virtual Gin and Tonic!

  18. Funky Wellies Reply
    22/06/2011 at 5:46 pm

    Sounds like a fantastic night! 🙂 Love the photo of you and your hubby, and the story about his chair problem!

  19. Kate Reply
    23/06/2011 at 12:20 pm

    Oooh, wardrobe malfunctions – worst nightmare. Hope the dye came off! I have fond memories of cricket club balls in and around Stamford.

  20. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    23/06/2011 at 2:58 pm

    @Funky W – Thank you! He's never lived it down: such a small community here!

    @Kate – It did come off eventually. I threw the gloves away. Isn't it strange how there are phases with balls – we used to go to a lot 7 or 8 years ago but only seem to go to one now.

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