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Home  >  Blog  >  My Father’s Legacy

My Father’s Legacy

Trish Burgess Posted on14/06/201129/06/2017 The gallery 40 Comments

My Dad died in February so all this talk of Father’s Day is difficult for me. The theme for The Gallery this week is ‘Dads’ and over at Tim’s blog, Bringing up Charlie, there is a Fatherhood Festival to highlight the publication of his new book, ‘Fatherhood: The Essential Guide’. Tim understood my initial misgivings at joining in the Dads-fest but enlightened me with the information that the first ever Father’s Day was a daughter’s tribute to her father. That made me think quite hard and I realised that rather than trying to ignore the day and the sentiments surrounding it, I should embrace it and celebrate the life and love of a very special man.

My dad was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease 18 years before he eventually succumbed to the disease. In that time he became gradually weaker with initially his legs and then his arms losing their function. As a former architect, my father obviously had drawing skills but had never really painted or sketched for pleasure since he had been a child. So he took up painting as the MND took hold of him. Watercolours, charcoal, pencil, pastels were the mediums of choice. Often painting from memory or from photographs, his talent for art gave him and the family immense pleasure. In the latter years it was a struggle for him to draw; he would have to steady his crippled right hand with his equally immobile left hand, my mum would place the drawing implement in his hand to get him started, he could only paint for a few minutes at a time before tiring.

He helped others find solace in painting. At the day centre hospice he visited each Wednesday, he ran an art class for other patients with terminal conditions, several of whom created beautiful drawings for their families to treasure only weeks before they died.

On the night my dad passed away my brother brought my mum back to her home. She stood in the hall and exclaimed, “How am I going to cope now he’s gone?”. My brother held her close and then pointed at the walls in each room “He’s not gone”, he said, “just look around you. He’s everywhere”.

I took  photographs of a selection of his work: some are at my parents’ home, some here with me, all treasured. There are paintings of the quayside in Newcastle, bulb fields in Spalding, Emmanuel College, Cambridge and Mont Saint Michel, France. They should be posted below as a slideshow but let me know if you can’t see them or click on this link to see pictures separately

http://johngrinsell.blogspot.co.uk/

 

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40 Comments

  1. The Dotterel Reply
    14/06/2011 at 9:14 am

    A very moving post, Trish. The first anniversary or special occasion following a loss is always difficult. But it always helps to keep thinking about a loved one, once departed, as a celebration of their life. I know I do it almost every day.

  2. Emma Reply
    14/06/2011 at 12:02 pm

    It sounds like he was an incredible man. A very lovely post, I would love to see some of his work (not sure whether there is a picture/s displayed on your post as there is a picture sized gap, but I can't see anything…)… Emma x

  3. Steve Reply
    14/06/2011 at 12:03 pm

    Beautiful. A truly beautiful post.

  4. The Alexander Residence Reply
    14/06/2011 at 12:17 pm

    Beautiful tribute. What a gift your Dad gave. I can't see the pictures, not sure if it's a problem here or there? Will try and pop back. Mother's Day hit me after the event, but looking back I did lots of reflecting on that day which although painful, was helpful. Hope doing this week's gallery helps you through the difficult day x

  5. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    14/06/2011 at 12:47 pm

    Tim, Emma, Steve and Alexander Residence – there should be a slideshow of his paintings which I can see but others obviously can't. Will try and find out what's wrong! Many thanks for your comments x

  6. Milla Reply
    14/06/2011 at 1:14 pm

    yes, I can't see them either, and would love to – what a lovely thing to do have done. Several of my friends' fathers have died this past year. The thought makes me feel sick. Always has done since notions of immortality first slid in. You poor sausage, and what a nice brother! My father's an artist so, come the dread day, it'll be a good thing to have him there on the walls.
    On a jollier note, what a grand island. Love it. And yes, careful with those knives Eugene.

  7. TheMadHouse Reply
    14/06/2011 at 1:35 pm

    What an amazing man. Your brother is right, his memory lies on. The firsts are the hardest in my opinion. I am finding it so hard without mum and it hits me at the most odd times

  8. Milla Reply
    14/06/2011 at 1:41 pm

    thanks, got 'em now – what really strikes is the cruelty of it being bloody MND which took him given the detail and fineness and clarity of his work. Thanks so much for putting them up (and telling me on Twitter – how DID you know I might lurk there …) Lovely! XX

  9. Sarah Reply
    14/06/2011 at 1:48 pm

    The slide show is functioning fine now and it's great to see your dad's art. What lovely pictures. Your brother is right, your dad is all around you in his art.

    Best wishes for this Father's Day and you do have your own father of your child to help you through it.
    *hugs*

  10. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    14/06/2011 at 2:01 pm

    I'm so glad slideshow working now.

    @Alexander Residence – I think the Gallery this week will be good for me, even if I do get a bit choked.

    @MadHouse – I often think of you when I catch myself having a bit of a moment. I was always able to prepare for Dad's death, something you weren't able to do with regard to your lovely mum.

    @Milla, you're right, this disease was very cruel. I'm amazed at the detail of his work considering how difficult it was for him to just hold a brush.

    @Sarah, you're absolutely right, I'm mustn't forget the dad in the family who is right here.

  11. Emma Reply
    14/06/2011 at 2:18 pm

    So pleased it's working now! What a talent, those pictures are amazing, and with what he had to contend with, doubly so. Thanks so much for sharing! Emma

  12. Very Bored in Catalunya Reply
    14/06/2011 at 3:04 pm

    A beautiful post and a lovely tribute to a man who was obviously very talented. Such a nice thing to have such amazing reminders of Dad.

    I hope you do something special on Sunday in memory of him. xx

  13. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    14/06/2011 at 3:09 pm

    @Emma – thanks for coming back to take a look. They mean such a lot to the family.

    @Very Bored – Thanks, Wendy. Mum is coming down this weekend so that will be very special. Will be christening the kitchen with some bubbly (not wasting it, mind, with all that Grand Prix shaking nonsense!)

  14. libby Reply
    14/06/2011 at 5:52 pm

    Could see them if I turned sideways…and my goodness what detail! they are smashing Trish..you must be so proud. Hard question I know but do you have a favourite?

  15. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    14/06/2011 at 6:08 pm

    @Libby – Sideways!!?? How odd. Oh well, at least they are visible, even if you have to lie down.
    I think my favourites are the Emmanuel College one (charcoal drawing of the Chapel) and the one showing the buildings along the quayside. I have both of these at home so they are extra-special.

  16. The Dotterel Reply
    14/06/2011 at 6:22 pm

    Come back to see the slideshow, and I'm so glad I did. What a talent! I particularly like the one of Mont St Michel.

  17. Eileen Reply
    14/06/2011 at 7:35 pm

    Love you so much Trish.In your blogs you capture your Dad just as he was A lovely man. and I miss him so much. Looking forward to being with you Dougie and Rory on Thursday it will be great luv Mam xxxxxxx

  18. Pat Reply
    14/06/2011 at 7:45 pm

    Trish, lovely to read your blog and see John's paintings. A truly adorable man who is very much missed. Feel very proud to say he was part of my family
    Love
    Patxx

  19. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    14/06/2011 at 8:48 pm

    @dotterel – the Mont St Michel painting was from a photo I took when we were on holiday in about 2001 I think. Dad captured it perfectly. I keep the photo attached to the back of the frame.

    @Eileen – Love you too, Mum. Can't wait to see you xxx

    @Pat – he was adorable wasn't he, never grumbled about his illness – such a gracious, talented man xxx

  20. Kelloggsville Reply
    14/06/2011 at 9:25 pm

    I like the Thames best. lovely.

  21. MsCaroline Reply
    15/06/2011 at 4:15 am

    I lost my dad a bit over 13 years ago, but the hurt is still very fresh. My dad was also an artist, and having his paintings up around the house (and in my classroom) has been a way to make me feel that he's still part of my everyday.
    I know this will be a rough year for you – I still have a very hard time reading Father's day cards when looking for my husband or father-in-law – but it does get better if you can just hang on. Thinking of you and your family from here in the US….

  22. PippaD Reply
    15/06/2011 at 7:42 am

    Wow, what a great man your father was.

  23. About JollyJilly Reply
    15/06/2011 at 8:58 am

    What a great set of pictures for you to have. Your dad was a very talented man.
    I lost my dad also and my mum ..
    they may not be around but they are always in our hearts
    Thanks for sharing this lovely post i enjoyed reading it

  24. Nicki Cawood Reply
    15/06/2011 at 10:30 am

    What a fantastic and talented Father. Not an easy post for you to write but I'm glad you shared this x

  25. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    15/06/2011 at 11:52 am

    @Kelloggsville – I see you're looking a the photos on your mobile phone again?! 😉

    @MsCaroline – thank you for such a thoughtful comment x

    @Pippa, @Jolly Jilly and @Nicky – thanks for popping over from the gallery. So pleased you enjoyed the post and were able to admire my dad's paintings.

  26. Belgravia Wife - sort of Reply
    15/06/2011 at 1:01 pm

    I'm so sorry for you, what beautiful paintings. i have a book of my dad's poetry and I have looked at it almost daily in the four years since he died. I put a Father's Day card in the letter box every year with his name on – probably barking but makes me feel better xx

  27. Nora Reply
    15/06/2011 at 1:59 pm

    Your father was a very talented man. What a legacy he left you.

  28. susie @newdaynewlesson Reply
    15/06/2011 at 2:20 pm

    Wow-he was so incredibly talented!

    Sounds like you had a really loving relationship.

    Hugs.

  29. The syders Reply
    15/06/2011 at 2:34 pm

    Oh My Word…How talented was your Dad!!! You could sell prints of those with no trouble…They are gorgeous!

    I know your first Fathers Day will be hard for you. I remember my first mothers day without Mum…I was on a day trip with a friend and she was picking up gifts for her Mum in the museum gift shop. I just wanted to cry as I watched her. I so desparately wanted to buy for my Mum and felt jealous as I watched her pick a Mothers day card. Im not usually jealous by nature but that day I felt so envious.

    Sending you a Hug xxx

  30. Mummy Mishaps aka Jenny Paulin Reply
    15/06/2011 at 4:03 pm

    What a moving post and lovely tribute to your dad on this a hard post and difficult time of year. His art is fantastic isn't it – what a talented artist he was xx

  31. Jacq Reply
    15/06/2011 at 5:19 pm

    Those pictures are really good. You can tell he had some technical training as his pictures have a great sense of space and perspective.
    It must be lovely to have them.

  32. MadameSmokinGun Reply
    15/06/2011 at 7:11 pm

    Wow – you've got me blubbing again (I'm having a bit of a day…) It made me think of the art materials we all bought for my Dad for his 60th birthday – he was looking forward to an early retirement to pursue a latent dream (he hadn't really painted or drew since he was much younger). Then he was persuaded to work for one more year – to 'break in' his replacement. He only lived for another 6 months. I often wonder what he may have produced. He'd have loved the Spitfire. (er… it is a Spitfire isn't it?)

    Good luck on Sunday! In the meantime I have to endure the Dads/Boys Fathers' Day Fun Football Team Trophy Horror – a day of pure dread and hatred for me. Amazing that it's always blinkin' ME that has to go! 'Dad' always manages to have something terribly important booked instead. Not keen on Fathers' Day for many reasons!

  33. tiddlyompompom Reply
    15/06/2011 at 7:28 pm

    what a moving post. his pictures are brilliant, and it is so lovely that you have them to remember him by. I hope that you are able to celebrate your dad on Sunday x

  34. About Last Weekend Reply
    15/06/2011 at 8:05 pm

    What a beautiful post, makes me feel quite teary. Your Dad was a wonderful artist, may favourite painting is of the windmill in Norfolk, think I might have stayed there, it all looks so free and timeless. Now I'm going to email my Dad, makes me appreciate him more…

  35. mumsarcade Reply
    15/06/2011 at 8:19 pm

    You made me cry too. What a talent your Dad had and how generous spirited of him to share it.
    Also generous spirited of you to share his wonderful work with us
    Thank you
    It does get easier slowly (I lost my Mum almost 2 years ago)
    I focus on my Dad over at http://celebratingmums.wordpress.com

  36. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    16/06/2011 at 8:25 am

    @Belgravia Wife – I can appreciate how special it must be to have his poetry to look at. I don't think you're barking (much!) for sending him a card. We all do what we feel to honour the memory.

    @Nora – Thank you. I'm amazed at how many he did.

    @Susie – He was such a gentleman, such a kind person as well as a very supportive dad.

    @The Syders – I seem to have forgotten my husband with regard to Father's Day, plus my father-in-law. I'm usually the card-buyer but I'm putting it off!

  37. Mary Jo from TrustYourStyle Reply
    16/06/2011 at 7:02 pm

    Thank you for this post, father's day is a bit hard for me too. I tell myself eery day that my dad is all around me all the time–I swear a little hummingbird flew right up to me as I typed this sitting here in the garden.

    Big hug to you!

    xo Mary Jo

  38. Macy Reply
    17/06/2011 at 6:51 pm

    We're on our second Father's Day since Wayne died. It's not any easier than last year.
    Commiserations on your recent loss though.
    x

  39. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    18/06/2011 at 8:07 am

    @Jenny & @Jacq – thank you; so glad you like them

    @MSG – Oh that's so sad, your dad dying before he had a chance to relax and begin his retirement. Good luck with the sports thingy – rather you than me, missus!

    @tiddlyompompom – I think a toast to a wonderful man will be just the ticket!

    @aboutlastweekend – I think the windmill was near Boston in Lincolnshire but very similar to the ones in Norfolk in the next county. Hope you emailed your dad x

  40. Trish @ Mum's Gone to... Reply
    18/06/2011 at 8:12 am

    @mumsarcade – so sorry you lost your mum. Will have a look at your site.

    @maryjo – Reading all these comments makes me realise I'm not alone in losing a loved on: we've all got to go through it. Smiling at your visit from the hummingbird.

    @Macy – Losing someone close who hadn't reached old age must be terrible so my heart goes out to you. At least I take comfort in the fact that dad had reached 76 when he died: he had lived a full rewarding life.

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