I think we are all familiar with most travel tips regarding air travel: colouring books for children, pashminas and loose clothing to counteract the cold and trapped wind (you didn’t know that?) , roll up your knickers and stuff them in your shoes (this is luggage-packing advice, not a suggestion of fun things to do on a plane).
What you really need are some essential tips that the magazines don’t tell you. This is where I come in with Trish’s Top Travel Tips (ah, the joy of alliteration). Today’s lesson is ‘Airports’.
1. Hand Luggage or Hold Luggage?
If you’re going on a two-week family holiday then bite the bullet and pay for as much hold luggage as you are allowed. If this is your well-earned summer break you want to have as many pairs of shoes at your disposal to make your vacation as pleasurable as possible. Remove some of the kids’ toys and replace with sandals in all colours.
If it’s a short break then you can save money and time by only taking carry-on luggage but, be warned, you will spend the weekend in shoes which pinch and you’ll be fed up of the black and white clothing combo you’ve chosen. You will also have to suffer the ignominy of carrying all your lotions and potions in a very small transparent bag. Do you really want your teenage son and the rest of the travellers in the security queue to snigger at your ylang ylang massage oil, G-Pulse lube and haemorrhoid cream? Don’t think that decanting the stuff into anonymous plastic bottles will help: you will only live to regret it when washing your hair with something decidedly slippery.
2. Food
Do you eat before going through security or after? It all depends on the quality of the eateries on each side. Problem is, you don’t know until you’ve passed the point of no return whether your decision is the right one. In Montreal and Madrid we chose to eat airside. Big mistake: only two food outlets we could find, both busy and food disappointing. In Copenhagen we feared a similar experience so grabbed a pizza meal deal at the first 7-Eleven we spotted, only to discover a whole smorgasbord of tempting treats on the other side. I have now learned my lesson and plan to google each airport before we travel and print out a map showing what delights they have. This will also be invaluable for indicating where the check-in desks and toilets are located so you can avoid having a marital tiff as soon as you arrive.
3. Drink
You will not be allowed to take a bottle of water through security so remember to buy some on the other side so that you have some refreshment while waiting at the gate in the long queue of people like you who refuse to pay for speedy boarding. Do not assume there will be a cheaper bottle if you just keep on walking. There won’t be and you’ll be left paying 2 euros for a teeny bottle from a vending machine: this will make you very cross, especially if you are Scottish.
4. Security
This is still quite an ordeal, requiring the removal of coats, jackets, boots and belts. My advice here is, if you’re going to wear a belt, make sure it’s superfluous to requirements. If you actually need a belt to keep your trousers up then you’ll embarrass yourself. If you like being frisked, wear lots of chunky jewellery in odd places and the security officer will have you standing on a podium, poking you with her light-saber quicker than you can say ‘Im not carrying a dangerous weapon, honest’.
5. Car Parks
Book your car park as far in advance as possible to save money. By all means choose a ‘meet and greet’ service, where they valet-park your vehicle, but only if you want your husband to hyperventilate as he hands over his precious keys. If you can’t cope with the images of some young oik whooping it up for a fortnight in your SUV and wearing out the back seats, you will have to plump for the Long Stay Car Park and take the transfer bus. This will cause another domestic as your husband will choose a spot as far away from the bus stop as possible and, most probably, in a part of the car park not yet tarmaced so your wheely case will topple over.
Make a note of which car park you have left your car in. This helps enormously at midnight when you return, optimistically wearing the flip-flops and sarong from the beach earlier that day.
So there you have it: airport advice from one who knows. Please feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.
massage oil and lube eh? say no more
@Auntie Gwen – I should have known! All this useful advice I'm offering and this is all you pick up on! 😉
In Gwen's defense: it is an attention-getter…I'm still laughing, though, especially about washing your hair with something slippery.
Great post and well-timed in our case: we leave for Seoul in just 12 days!
New word for the day for MsCaroline: oik. I plan to use it frequently. Is it your own personal word, or is it one of those used in the UK that I have just never heard? I am always so proud of myself for understanding all the UK blogs I read and then I run across 'pashmina' and 'oik' in the same post…got them from context, but both of them brand new to me….very humbling.
@MsCaroline – Oik is a UK slang word for someone vulgar and obnoxious. It's probably the first time the words 'pashmina' (shawl/scarf) and 'oik' have ever appeared anywhere together!
I'm delighted this post has been educational – I aim to please x
G-Pulse lube?!? Is that some sort of new shaving lotion for those new hi-tech Gilette razors?
@Steve – I'm sure if you tried shaving with it, you'd glide very nicely. The best a man can get….
A few points to add –
Hand luggage – some airlines weigh the hand luggage so don't put all the heavy stuff in there unless you want to redistribute it at the check-in desk with a large, displeased queue of people glaring at you. (Not talking from experience at all.)
Drinks – in many US airports, there are drinking fountains right outside the loos. Carry an empty water bottle and just fill it up once you get through security. Cheap as chips!
I am never travelling anywhere without first consulting you on the airport eateries situation.
I take my travelling cap off to you, wise lady.
@Expat Mum – Dougie will love your second tip. Free water!!
@Very Bored – There is always the option of having a sandwich in the car park but as it's hours before you're on the plane, a decent place for a sit down and scoff is important. I'm at your disposal with my wise words (are you mad?)
Very wise words indeed. The water thing REALLY pisses me off. And tweezers! They nick them off you one side and then let you buy them again the other. Crazy.
As an avid reader, a Kindle's been a damned fine buy luggage-wise. Hand luggage can finally be dainty!
That was going to be my tip – a Kindle for reading all those books on holiday to save paying excess baggage due to the 12 novels stuffed into the case. G-Pulse lube – is that the same as valpar gell? My hubby used to be sent to the chemist when he was about 11 to buy those for his Mum and we've often wondered what it was for…..or perhaps not!!
always join the queue with the business men in it, not the families 🙂
@Milla – The tweezer thing is ridiculous. I've been given a Sony e-reader (it used to be my dad's) but still hanker after paper books, particularly if there's going to be a lot of sand. Must get with it on the technology front as it's silly how many books we take between us.
@Diney – will have to ask my mother what valpar gel is? If it's the same as G Pulse lube, your mother-in-law must have been a happy lady.
@Kelloggsville – excellent advice. I'd add to that by saying never join a queue where someone is wearing a hat: in my experience they always cause trouble.
6. Consider the ferry instead.
@Troy – Indeed. I'll have to start a new list for that.
Athens are hot on not having more than 100ml of liquid in a bottle, even when you have obviously bought sealed Clinique from THEIR duty free. This is so they can pass to girlfriend later.
Take empty Clinique bottle, fill with similar (yellowy) liquid and hand over meekly to thieving Customs man.
Sit back on flight to Luton, contemplating with satisfaction end of thieving custom mans relationship.
Oh Sally you wouldn't!…Would you? This is a fabulous ruse and there are endless possibilities.
booked return flight 22nd August, so watch this space. If am not at work in September you'll know have been found out and arrested. but yep…so cross that may well try. After all, if they throw it as they say, no problem is it?
All great advice! I am the worst packer in the world. Which is bizarre as I travelled for five months backpacking around the Middle East with two changes of clothes. I suppose that was then, this is now. After having taken huge bags to NZ and then to England, we are now buying carry-ons (there's no problem that you can't throw money at, this is America!) and sticking to them. I think the problem is the number of stops you are going to make, more than one or two and the small bag is vital. So no more seven pairs of shoes for me…
@Sally – if you need bailing out let me know!
@About last weekend – Once the liquid ban is over then I might consider carry-on luggage again as it was good to be free of carousels and baggage reclaim. Oh but I do like shoe choice!
I love the tip about printing out airport maps and researching where the best food options are. I never think to do this, but it is so true. You usually eat or wait and find disappointment on the other end.
@Suzy – we make such detailed internet searches about all other aspects of our impending trips, but having a clear idea of airport layout is something we just never consider as important…until we get there!