Do you remember reading the post some months ago by Very Bored in Catalunya on the subject of personal grooming? Fascinating stuff it was, discovering who was into pubic topiary and who just wore bigger pants to cover things up.
Well this weekend I read an article in the Sunday Times Style magazine by Gemma Soames: How Does your Lady Garden Grow? Apparently ‘with silver bells and cockle shells’ isn’t far from the truth these days. Gemma uncovers spas which offer a book of “hairstyles” to choose from and enlightened me in the diamante landing strip called a Bollywood.
However, the bit that surprised me the most was the new treatment from the US now hitting our shores: the vajacial, a facial for your nether regions. People suffering from ingrowing hair or hyper-pigmentation following waxes will soon be able to pay good money for a wet microdermabrasion followed by a lovely rehydrating infusion.
Heavens above! Who could do a job like that? “So what do you do?”, “Me, oh I’m a labia lubricator”.
This is all way beyond what I could ever dream of putting myself through. A rub with a wet flannel has always been sufficient for my needs, having been brought up to believe Femfresh was the work of the devil and would probably bring me out in a rash.
In fact my very Catholic upbringing has probably scarred me for life as regards front-bottoms. You see, can’t even say the proper words without blushing. I never saw other girls’ bits and pieces, having no sisters to compare to and a mother who would get changed under her nightie. At school we all kept ourselves properly covered-up too.
It was only at University that I was able to see whether my foliage was okay or whether I needed to do more than tuck it in and keep my legs together. It was quite a shock when, one week in, I shared a room with a very game girl on a Geography field trip. She stripped off without a care and I was mesmerised by the quite staggering amount of hair which seemed to cover an area from her navel to her knees. From then on, I was never worried about my own meagre patch.
However, I’m still a shy girl and the thought of a salon waxing is still anathema to me. Having a smear is a necessary evil and even then my eyes are tight shut until the whole sorry business is over. I keep myself trimmed and tidy and presume everything is looking okay in the knicker department. Husband never complains….though, as a GP, the ones he usually sees are needing treatment in some way or another so I presume mine is a work of art in comparison.
May I leave you with information about a Canadian company also mentioned in the article now offering hypoallergenic, paraben-free lotions and potions for your lady-bits. With the glorious name, I Love My Muff, I can see this taking off in a big way. The website is ilovemymuff.com. The perfect stocking filler, surely!