There will be many parents who are now experiencing an empty nest for the first time. It can be very tough those first few weeks when suddenly you feel redundant as a parent and you ache for that little boy or girl who has been the centre of your world for so many years. But there are some positives too. Here’s my list of things to expect once the kids have flown.
1. You find yourself walking around their rooms, lovingly touching childhood toys and burying your nose in once-treasured teddy bears. Have stern words with your other half if he suggests a clear-out.
2. It takes a long time before you stop setting that extra place at the table.
3. You keep an eye on the weather forecast for the city in which they now live so you can give your offspring prior warning of a cold snap.
4. You may have to learn the offside rule and other sporting technicalities so you can have a meaningful conversation with your husband who has lost his telly buddy.
5. Don’t expect an instant reply to text messages: that way madness lies. You will imagine all manner of catastrophes have befallen your child but your son or daughter is probably in a lecture or asleep. They will eventually reply with a short message and an array of unintelligible emoticons sometime after midnight.
6. Skype is now your best friend, once you’ve adjusted your position so the scary, saggy chin doesn’t appear in the corner of the screen.
7. Utility bills will decrease, particularly the water bill because the shower is no longer being used as a warm place to continue dozing despite having slept for twelve hours.
8. The amount of laundry is significantly reduced and occasionally you get to see the bottom of the basket.
9. Food stays in the fridge and cupboards for ages: crisps in particular can sometimes last longer than their ‘best before’ date
10. Without a teenager in the house you can reignite the passion you had before children came along. Have weekends away on a whim, stay in bed all day, watch rubbish on the telly. You have all this freedom to do just what you fancy.
Thankfully the sadness you feel when they leave home does lessen. And if you are still struggling with their absence, just think, it will soon be the end of term and they will be back home to fill up the laundry basket, linger in the shower and empty your fridge again.
Do you think it's worse for those of us, like you, who only had 1 child? Mine's been gone a good long while and I still do some of the things you listed.
I'm not sure if it's worse or just different. For you and I the break has been clean but I gather from other parents with younger siblings, it is still painful but more protracted as each child leaves the nest. I gather it is can be tough for the siblings left behind too.
I used to walk into their rooms when the boys went to stay with their father for a month in summer. It seemed a long time to be away. I'm used to it now of course.
My eldest is studying in Montpellier so no empty nest for me. His brother is gutted not to be the only child for once. 🙂
Ha, so your youngest would have preferred to have been left alone – bang goes my thoughts about siblings in the comment above to Janet!
Yep – experienced all of the above! For me it was kind of a double whammy as we'd home educated and had hands on contact all the time. It's important I think to get back into the habit of thinking about YOU as a priority – and that is a habit! We've been primed to think about everyone else for so long we have to break that cycle. Ironically my youngest is back for a while after Uni and that's another adjustment we have to make! 😉
That's an interesting viewpoint, Ross. I hadn't considered how it would affect home educated families. I suppose since secondary school my son has disappeared on the bus every day so his time at home lessened bit by bit.
For me, Rory leaving has coincided with my husband reducing his hours at work – this has been brilliant because we definitely are doing things together now and thinking about us.
I'll be needing this next year Trish, if things go to plan. Luckily our water isn't metered!
When both your children are away, you might benefit from going metered! Might save yourself some money.
ahhh looking forward to the water bill decreasing ! My 20 yr old son and his girlfriend drive us insane with their constant showering and baths x
Oh no, they come back and have baths!? Nightmare 😉
We're 5 years off this and I'm dreading it!! Will miss her tons! But I am looking forward to actually having food in the fridge 😉
The weeks before they go and the weeks after are the worst but then it does get better – as long as they keep in touch. Sometimes I just have to send a text or FB message just so I can get a little reply – and that does the trick.
Oh Trish, come here and have a hug…. This is such a bittersweet post. You have such a close relationship with R, that must give you some comfort. My friend's son started University a couple of weeks ago, the only way she knows he is still alive are the book orders on her amazon account! 😀
Well that's one way of keeping tabs on him! It's a great sign when they need to be chased to get in touch. Thankfully Rory always replies to my messages and texts – he is very considerate to his old mum.
One down, three to go here. Agony. It's like taking a plaster off very slowly. Ouch! Your list is spot on… Xxx
Oh I don't know which is worse! I've heard from other mums like you that it's the family dynamics changing with one sibling leaving home that is hard. Your analogy seems spot on. xx