As seems to be the way at the moment, real life has overtaken the blog world: it’s been over a fortnight since my last post. Time for a catch-up methinks.
The saga with my elderly aunt has continued. You may remember we helped her buy a retirement flat near us in Lincolnshire and, two weeks after she moved in, she became poorly and had to go to hospital. She remained in hospital from mid-December to the beginning of February. Eventually, after many visits and discussions, she returned home with what we thought might be the right level of social care: three visits a day to help her shower in the morning, make her dinner and settle her for the night.
Within a day of her being discharged we were decidedly uneasy about whether this was going to work and in less than two weeks, we realised that she just wasn’t coping with independent living, despite having some care to support her. Dougie spoke to the manager of the residential home located in the same village as his GP practice (so he knows it extremely well) and they agreed to take Betty in for some respite care. We all needed time and space to think long and hard about the way forward.
With some disappointment but overriding relief, we have all agreed that Betty needs 24 hour care. So, having spent less than four weeks in the flat, it looks like we will be putting it on the market…and her previous house in Hertfordshire is still going through a sale process! Betty will stay in the rest home, Dougie and his partners can provide her medical care and I feel sure that, despite her sadness, this is the best way forward. I can now visit her, take her out and actually go back to being her niece rather than her carer.
St James Court, a Taj Hotel (photo supplied by the hotel) |
Whilst all this was going on, knowing Betty was now safe, we did manage to nip away to London last weekend to pick up Dougie’s suit…remember the one we bid for at an auction? We secured another last minute bargain at the St James Court, a Taj Hotel (£119 a night again) and had two very restorative nights in the city after a very emotional few weeks.
We drove down on the Sunday morning, parked at Stanmore station and picked up the Tube into the city centre. A couple of hours were spent pootling round the V&A looking at masses of random stuff…ceramics, furniture, architectural models…before an early dinner at a Byron Burger restaurant in the Strand. George Osborne may have a point – the burgers were delicious. Back to our room, having bought some chocolate, crisps and wine at a Tesco Express, and we had a wonderfully lazy evening; watching telly, soaking in the bath and quaffing Pinot Noir from a coffee mug.
The next day, keen to make the most of our stay, we were up early doing a bit of shopping, lunch at John Lewis and then to the tailor’s where Dougie looked the business in his new blue suit with its purple satin lining. I haven’t taken any photos of him yet but I promise I will soon.
Somerset House next. Why have I not been there before? The courtyard was being prepared for London Fashion Week but it was still a great place to mooch about and we found Tom’s Deli, next to Tom’s Kitchen, where we sat on stools looking out of the window, with a very reasonably priced cappuccino and a cupcake.
Too full for a big dinner but needing something, the Hampton’s Bar at the hotel proved to be the perfect place for a very civilised drink and some sharing platters (mezze and Indian). We had the papers to read and the resident pianist was plinky-plonking very beautifully in the background. Just lovely.
The best bit of this impromptu weekend was a Monday evening performance of Miss Saigon. That morning I had spent an age looking for tickets, trying to suss out where would be the best place to sit and finally plumped for a loge. I had never heard of a loge but it’s a bit like a box, though front-facing and sticking out from the dress circle. I don’t know if many London theatres have loges but I can recommend them – great view of the stage.
Miss Saigon was absolutely wonderful. I cried from start to finish, keeping my hanky permanently fixed across my nose and mouth to lessen the noise of my sobs. Jersey Boys had been a fantastic evening’s entertainment a few weeks ago but this was on another level: all the pent-up emotion and anxiety of the previous weeks came flooding out in one massive, cathartic outpouring.
It sounds as if your aunt will now be okay – I hope so and sorry about all the stress. I suppose you have to try things out to see if they work. I am glad you got away though and loved Miss Saigon. I went years and years ago when it first opened and loved the music. Still have the CDs!
I hope so too, Sarah. It's been very hard.
I went to see Miss Saigon in the early 90s but I don't remember much about it apart from the fact that the helicopter was out of action that night! It definitely hit home this time.
Oh, Trish. It sounds like exactly what you needed after all that turmoil. This is exactly what they mean when they refer to us as 'the Sandwich Generation' – children and aging relatives to care for as well. I must have missed the post about the suit – navy blue with purple lining? What was the date on that one? Can't wait to see the photos! Have friends heading to London soon, will definitely recommend St. James Court, you have written such glowing reviews! Glad you got a rest, it sounds perfect – right down to the pinot noir drunk out of the mugs…; ) x
The Sandwich Generation – that's just it. It felt strange, just when Rory had left and Dougie and I could see our lives taking a different turn, that things turned in a totally unexpected direction.
Yes, the suit got a mention in my last London post – all these trips to London for fitting and collection means this has become a very expensive suit!
Gosh I'm so sorry you've been so stressed but it sounds like things are working out for the best now. So glad you enjoyed London so thoroughly and that Miss Saigon helped release those emotions. I saw it many years ago and have never forgotten it – one of the highlights of my life! X
Yes, I do think, having lurched from crisis to crisis, we are now finding a solution which is for the best.
I wonder why Miss Saigon didn't hit the spot for me first time round? Certainly this time it was superb. I hope you get to go again and compare it to your first visit.
I love your verbs – pootling, mooching and plunky-plonking!
My mum is to blame for the mooching I think. The others are my own fault…!
I'm sorry you're original plans didn't work out regarding your aunt but it sounds like the resolution you have reached now plainly has ling term appeal that will help everyone.
You're right, Steve, it's the long term appeal that makes sense. It's no good trying to make the best of things, especially when her spell in hospital has made her more frail.
Life gets in the way of blogging when your life is full of this kind of responsibility..that I know.
Your weekend sounds great and seeking out little nuggets of free time is the way to go.
I knew you would understand, Libby.
We are certainly appreciating every bit of free time. In fact, even just sharing a sofa and the telly together in the evening has been precious for the two of us.
Goodness, it sounds like you definitely needed that weekend away. I'm glad your aunt is now in the right place, and you can take a step back from caring for her.
I had such a rosy view of how I thought it would be – that she would settle in, make friends and I would just 'pop in'! It's been quite a wake-up call. But thankfully, I can see things are sorting themselves out.
I'm so glad to hear that you're aunt is now in a safer, more comfortable place. It sounds like you've had such a tough time of late. Great that you were able to get away from it all and enjoy another stay at St James Court. Hope you're feeling a little more refreshed now.
Thanks so much for your concern, Ting. At the time I felt guilty for disappearing down to London but then I had to think sensibly and realise that if we didn't get some time together, I would start resenting my aunt and that would do neither of us any good.
It's properly hard this getting older malarkey, like yourself we are stuck in the middle of parents needs and kids needs, we are way down the list. I think himself and I should have a wee jollity down to the Taj, we usually just come home as we are an hour away from St Pancras but you make it sound so lovely. Glad you have auntie more settles, it's good to look after your auntie (hint hint, I promise I'll be no trouble!!) love from auntiegwen xxx
Glad to hear that your aunt is safe and well. These are hard decisions to maker but it sounds like you've made the right one. I haven't blogged for ages and don't tend to for a while – I have so much on my plate with the novel at the moment, as well as life in general. X
I am so glad you got to have a lovely break, and most importantly that Aunty B is safe, and you have all come to a solution that works well for everyone. I took my Mum to see Miss Saigon, she was so emotional about it, she managed to walk out with the little red glasses you get at the theatre in her hand. So embarrassing… 😀
Hard work all round and stressful with it. I'm avoiding my responsibilities at th emoment and really should start to face them, the same path many of us are treading with elderly relatives at the moment. Sounds like a good break away though. Your Dougie would look good in a sack cloth I think, so photos of suit and/or sack appreciated 🙂
Never be afraid of doing the right thing, Trish and that's exactly what you've done re the situation with your lovely Aunt. It's very sad that she's had to move out of her flat but on the other hand, it sounds like she's very lucky that you and Dougie have put all those plans into action for her. A lot of the older generation aren't so fortunate. Sorry Miss Saigon made you cry but maybe it's just what you needed!