Our local paper, the Spalding Guardian, ran a competition last week to win tickets to see our show, Acorn Antiques – The Musical. To accompany the piece was this delightful photograph of me, Miss Berta, Miss Babs and Mr Clifford. Thankfully our names were not included so I was hoping people might not recognise me. Fat chance. The lady in the paper shop was the first one to give me a nod and a wink.
If you ever thought the world of acting was glamorous, think again. The hairnet, pinny and gurning face are bad enough, but when you have to make your own Dowager’s Hump with an old cushion and some velcro, plus sew varicose veins into tights using thick blue wool, you know your days of strutting around the stage in high heels and suspenders are over.
Spalding Amateur Dramatic and Operatic Society will be performing the musical next week at the South Holland Centre: opening night is Tuesday 21 May. We have come a long way from the auditions in January, there have been ups and downs but mainly an awful lot of laughing as the script, written by Victoria Wood, is witty, clever and downright silly.
Martin, our director, is a stickler for detail, the nuance of every word has to be just right. Anita, who plays the baddie, Miss Bonnie, will, I imagine, be having nightmares about the cadence required in the sentence, “How wide, approximately, is your soil pipe?” Meanwhile Clive, who plays Mr Clifford, is losing sleep over the innocuous line “neither of you seem very likely to get married”. As for me, I must stop adding words that aren’t there: apparently there is a world of difference in the line “his private parts went up me kick-pleat” and “his private parts went right up me kick-pleat.”
Craig, our musical director, has spent many weeks teaching us the songs and their harmonies. We think we have them sussed until Abi, our choreographer, adds moves to the songs. Of course what happens then is we all focus on the dancing and forget to sing. “Harmonies! Diction!” our MD shouts over the top of our efforts so we try hard to concentrate on the music, only to forget the steps. It’s the yin and yang of amateur dramatics and has our directors and choreographer tearing their hair out. Last night we seemed to get the singing and dancing to combine but, unfortunately, the concentration required to do that was so immense, we forgot to smile. “Tits and teeth!” our dance captain, Charlie, implored.
Tap dancing has been a revelation for us all, even with Abi’s ‘simple steps’ (fibber!). My character, Mrs Overall, gets to tap dance too, dressed in the most unattractive combination of tights, leotard and leg-warmers which have to be seen to be believed. Dancing with a stoop is, I have discovered, quite an art.
Sunday is our ‘get in’ – theatre luvvie lingo for moving set, props and costumes to the theatre. After the week’s run we have the ‘get out’. I’ll leave you guessing what that means. From Sunday onwards I will take up residence in one of the dressing rooms, probably with Miss Berta, Babs and Bonnie for company and we will have an emotionally-draining week trying to keep things on an even keel at home when our minds are permanently at the theatre. It’s going to be stressful, stomach-knotting and exhausting but the exhilaration and adrenalin rush should remind me why I auditioned in the first place. The smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd….
I read your description of putting together the singing/dancing numbers to Cullen – having just finished a musical of his own, he couldn't sympathize more – and I can only imagine! I wish I could come to see it, but since that's not in the cards, I'll be sending lots of energy and leg-breaking luck to you for the week to come! Looking forward to the video!
I'm so pleased Cullen agrees – I thought it might just be because most of us are becoming senile. Good to know the youngsters struggle too.
I don't think there will be a video – strict rules about copyright are adhered to in the theatre. But there will be photos!
Excellent blog entry Mrs O!
You'll not be surprised to learn that over the last few weeks I've woken myself up in the middle of the night (as well as the rest of the household!) yelling "Harmonies!"….."Diction!" from this recurring dream where suddenly my arms are tied to my sides as I face blank sheets of music with the entire theatre, cast and orchestra all gauping at me in expectation that i'll be able to fix things as the cast have stopped singing and orchestra stopped playing half way through chuffing TIP TOP TAP!!!
Ahhh, happy days….!
Yours ever hopefully
Mr Musical Director
Acorn Antiques
Spalding!
Ah my dear Musical Director. I shouldn't worry, as the cast keep forgetting to look at you for music cues anyway so even if your hands were tied to your sides, we probably wouldn't notice and would carry on hoofing and squawking. Plus, if it's during TIP TOP TAP the audience will be transfixed by my lovely tights.
I do hope you're going to wear your rubber gloves for the orchestra bows at the end (like the chap at the West End did?)
Apologies for your name appearing in that strange way. Blogger becomes easily confused with speech marks in names.
Well goodness, you'll be lost after it's all finished! Wish I could be there to see it, and I hope it all goes well. Break a leg, too… 🙂
I've got a show coming up too, nothing like as challenging though. I've roped myself into participating in a local group's zumba gala. In costume… They needed numbers so our teacher who does both groups asked for volunteers. I'll be spending this weekend prancing about at home having videoed her doing it properly…
Taking a video of the teacher!! Genius. Why didn't we think of this?
Photos of your Zumba costume is required, Sarah. It's only fair. I have shared mine 😉
This is true, if you can wear a silly costume in public, so can I, and show the world…
The video, yes, as it's all coming up a bit fast, I got out the camera my DB passed down to me after he got a new one and used it for the first time to make a couple of vids (we do 2 routines), then put them up on YouTube and sent the link to the others so they could practice too. Boy do we all need it…!
Of course, I spent a whole evening trying to work out how to stick two bits of one routine together on Windows Media thingy and take a bit out so they fit properly… I got there in the end with much cursing, but it's all in a good cause! (us not making idiots of ourselves… too much!) 🙂
I still think it's worth the effort. Thankfully my character isn't in many of the dance routines and even then I tend to do my own thing. The ensemble, however, would have appreciated a video!
Looking forward to the pics 😉
I so wish I could see it! Have a fab time and hope to see a video or two… xx
At the moment I do feel rather nervous but I'm sure it will be fine. It's such a great show, I think people will love it.
You're a corker! Yes to harmonies and diction! I like the hear the words and even in broadway musicals it just becomes singing. YOu totally look the part – and wish I was there to see it.
It would be so much easier if we gave the lyrics to the audience. Save our MD a lot of sleepless nights. In the meantime we have to work hard as the lyrics are so funny, you wouldn't want them to be lost.
……and the crowd goes wild…..rooooooooaaaaaaaaaar
Break a leg x
Thank you K xx
First Stop Olivier Award. Second Stop A Tony. Wish I could be there to see you in all your glory. No doubt in my mind that it's going to be a theatrical triumph.
Cheers and Break a Leg
Marion in Panama
Thank you Marion! xxx
I would soooo love to be there – it sounds like a hoot!
It is – well, we think so anyway. Should have a good audience as ticket sales going well.
You'll be at next year's BAFTAs or I'll eat my hat!
After reading your last blog post, Steve, definitely Baftas and not the Barftas.
You'll be great…but maybe try and get a sexy role in the next production??
I'll try, but now they've seen me in the granny roles I think I'm doomed!
Good luck! I will be thinking of you tomorrow! 🙂
Thanks Emma. Have butterflies this morning. Nothing I can do now but just get on with it!!
Look at you!!!! We're going to see The Improtance of Being Earnest by our local, quite talented AmDram next week, but they're not getting the coverage you are! Break a leg (if that's still the appropriate thing to say?)! Sounds like a very enjoyable production 🙂
Just catching up on blog today so apologies for late reply. The run went really well. The coverage was excellent so we had gret audiences. Hope you enjoy the play!
How wide approx is your soil pipe? You just know that you're a good actor if you say that line right! Now I see you don't have a hairnet as I thought today, but your face and hair is so transformed I don't recognise you! The young girl is so beautiful she looks like a star already!
Actually I am wearing a hairnet – it's very fine and same colour as my own hair. Kept my own hair tucked underneath. I did have a lovely yellow hairnet for the finale – to match my gold apron!
The young girl is Daisy who played Miss Berta. She was our Flower Queen in our parade in 2011. She's beautiful and talented – head of drama at a local secondary school.