These conversations usually occur between my son or husband and me (see conversations 1 to 6 here). It’s not usual to have one with someone outside the family. Not so today when I find myself in conversation with the bathroom fitter who is fixing us up with a new downstairs loo, prior to getting started on the main bathroom in the New Year.
Picture the scene. Fitter is attaching long door handle to cupboard underneath basin.
Fitter: Do you want it horizontal or vertical?
Me: Vertical, I think.
Tiler (joining in the debate) – will it hit your knees if it’s vertical?
Me: Hmm. Horizontal matches the handles on the drawers in the utility room?
Fitter: Yeah but the cupboards have vertical handles.
Me: Vertical it is then.
Fitter: Ok, do you want it nearer the top, middle or bottom?
Me: Ha, sounds like that game show.
Fitter: Oh yeah, the one with the hot spots. What was it called?
Me: Play Your Cards Right?
Fitter: Nah, that’s not it.
Me: No, you’re right. That was a Bruce Forsyth one.
Fitter: The Price is Right?
Me: That was Leslie Crowther, wasn’t it? Mind you, didn’t Bruce do that one as well?
Fitter: I think he did. So who did the top, middle or bottom one?
Dougie (entering the utility room): It was a Michael Barrymore show.
Me: Yes, it was! Still don’t know the name.
Dougie: Take Your Pick?
Me: No, that was Des O’Connor.
Dougie: Google it!
Tiler: I’m losing the will to live.
Me: (googling) Strike it Lucky!
Everybody: That’s it! How could we forget that.
Fitter: So, where do you want the handle?
Me: Oh, I don’t know. Wherever you think looks best.
Was diagonal not an option? Could they not even let you phone a friend?
Diagonal? No, only choices were horizontal or vertical as I was down to 50/50 by then.
Sliding doors?
There's only one door, sadly. I could just take it off and have open shelves.
If I can help in this debate – shelves are best horizontal rather than vertical.
I think we should have had you here as foreman this afternoon, Troy. You could come in very handy.
I don't get out of bed for anything less than Project Director
Sheesh. There's always someone who thinks they're Kevin McCloud.
Ah yes one of those conversations…….very funny…but I can't remember the programme….
You must remember it, Libby. Only allowed three hot spots, pairs working together- one on the steps, one answering the questions? Google it! ;-))
You know, the one on that station! the one with what's-her-name! and that guy! yeah, and that other guy….
We would have a great chat if we ever met: I know just what you're talking about!
I'm so pleased to say I have no idea what you are talking about and I am content for it to stay that way. Ps horizontal handles get dusty.
Now that's the best reason so far for positioning of handle. Genius.
(How can you not remember these programmes? Come on down, Mrs Kelloggsville!)
Don't think I've ever seen that show. I used to watch Countdown though, does that help?
As for handles, what is the most convenient position for your hand? If you have to twist it to open the door, it's the wrong way cos that just gets annoying.
I'm easily annoyed by mundane aggravations. 🙂
No, Countdown doesn't help. That's a totally different genre of game show ;-))
The debate about the handle came hot on the heels of which side did I want the hinge on the door? So do I want the door to open out towards the towel rail/wall or towards the loo. Decided on outwards towards the loo so wouldn't bang on towel rail (it's a small room). Handle is long and thin so is now vertical in the middle of cupboard. However cupboard is so tiny that it doesn't have room to keep much in it, so I don't think I'll be opening it very often 🙂
That made me laugh. I can really picture it. Did you back off afterwards feeling really awkward?!
I put the kettle on!
Thanks for highlighting a bonus of living in Korea that I'd never considered: far less likely to get sucked into one of these brain-cracking discussions. So…what did he decide? vertical or horizontal?
He went for vertical and in the middle on the right of the door. I then had to decide where to put the loo roll holder and, in order for it to be in the correct position, had to sit on the loo and act out the 'stretching out for the paper' routine. No dignity left.
I love how we end up miles from the original starting place in conversations. Why do we persist in keeping on with them? Politeness? Desire to be the last one speaking? Interest? This had me chuckling & I would never have guessed the game!
I find as I'm getting older I forget things anyway so if I didn't at least try to remember something, I'd have nothing to say!I also think there's a bloody-mindedness which makes me and others want to get to the bottom of things.
The Shah specialises in conversations like these because he views them as a useful tool for diverting me from the subject matter in hand. The reason for this is that the subject is usually something that is going to cost him money (latest = new carpets)so his very tiny brain convinces him that, if he can distract me by waffling about game shows for example, I will forget about carpets. Silly boy.
Ha! Some hope!!
Agree with Sarah. I might forget names and game show titles, but I always remember if I want to spend money.
Sounds like you need to adopt your fitter as he fits right in…he would fit right into our household too.
He'll be part of the family come January when he starts on the bathroom upstairs.
Brilliant! I often find that the more i try and think of something like this, the more I forget too! 😀
It will get worse when you're my age! ;-))
"Top, Middle or Bottom" was Play Your Cards Right, wasn't it?
Anyway, my tuppence – horizontal for drawers, vertical for cupboards.
No, 'Play Your Cards Right' was 'higher or lower' but I thought it was that initially too.
It seems so obvious now, the handle thing, but when these blokes ask you things you lose all common sense and the simplest things tax your brain.