Sound like torture doesn’t it? But it was the thought of such an event that persuaded us to go to Huntingdon Races last Bank Holiday Monday. A day of family fun was promised, with the following record-breaking attempts taking place during the day:
- How many jockeys can you get in a Mini?
- The UK’s longest conga
- The biggest group of John McCririck look-a-likes
- The most children’s faces painted in an hour
- The world’s youngest racing radio presenter
All this, plus a full afternoon of pretending to be flash betting a heady two quid a time on the gee-gees.
The entry to the grandstand enclosure was steep at £15 but children (including my 14 year old and his mate) were free. We also cleverly booked our tickets online the night before so got in for £10 each plus a free ice-cream for the boys (even sulky teenagers don’t turn their noses up at Mr Whippy).
The compere for the day was James McQuillan, latterly a contestant on The Apprentice. He was dressed in a deerstalker hat with pretend ginger John McCririck-style sideburns. Despite looking a bit of a chump, he tried his very best to jolly everyone along with the, unfortunately, woeful record attempts.
Jockeys in a mini – we missed this as it occurred before most people had arrived but I think they managed 12. Not sure if this was a record.
UK’s longest conga – the record is somewhere in the thousands. The organisers, however, made a number of fundamental mistakes.
1. They believed this could be completed between races when most race-goers are hoofing it from paddock to Tote.
2. Only people in the Grandstand could take part so the poor people beyond the wire fencing in the cheap end could only watch as their children berated them for being stingy and only buying six quid tickets.
3. To take part in the conga each person had to pay £2 in aid of Racing Welfare. An honourable charity indeed but when people had paid a whack to get in and were saving their dosh for the dead cert in the 4.15, that extra £2 was never going to be easily torn from their grip. Why didn’t they just ask for donations and let everyone join in regardless?
4. Many bystanders, including us, wanted to see how many people were joining in before we decided to part with our money. Rory did not want to ‘look an arse’ so kept his money and bought a hot dog instead.
In the end, even Hugo the Hound, the racecourse mascot, couldn’t help Apprentice James rustle up a decent conga line. How many did they manage to get in the line? 180. All of whom had paid two quid to be part of a failed record attempt as they wiggled and hi-kicked miserably on the lawn.
The Biggest Group of John McCririck Look-a-likes Now maybe I was being naive but I somehow expected a group of proper John McCririck lookalikes to have been specially invited to come along to the racecourse for the day. Apparently not. This was, in essence, a fancy dress competition. So anyone in tweed was cajoled to meet up in the paddock for an embarrassing contest. The line-up consisted of a couple of blokes in country-style attire and cigars, some blonde posh totty in riding gear, a few kids with stuck-on sideburns and a heavily-pregnant woman in a checked jacket and hat. We voted by cheering, rather quietly I thought, and James, having flirted with the blonde and accidently stood on the teeniest Mr McC, gave the prize to a five year old girl who will no doubt be mentally scarred for life.
The Most Children’s Faces painted in an hour – I have no idea whether this was a success as the tannoy announcements regarding the world record attempts seemed to go mysteriously quiet by this stage. I’m not entirely sure what constitutes a ‘painted face’: is it a blob on the nose with a splash of poster paint or is the face painter required to produce full make-up for a West End production of Cats? All I can say is that I did see a few little girls with tiny horse-shoes on their cheeks. Whether they were painted on or branded to quicken things up a bit, I shall never know.
The World’s Youngest Racing Radio Presenter – Did I miss it? Maybe the pregnant John McCririck gave birth before the 5.25 and gamely introduced the newest Peter O’Sullivan to the waiting crowds.
We returned home with a lighter wallet but there was just enough for a KFC en route. And Rory’s friend has now been initiated into the art of gambling: I’m sure his mother is delighted.
Loved this, will probably still be chuckling inanely to myself in an hours time.
Was the real John McC there at all?
Oh and you need one of those fancy dan share buttons under each post so I can share you on twitter, face book et all with ease.. (copy mine). xx
Can't believe I just missed the comment above me, just nearly choked on a rather expensive (well over €4 a bottle) glass of Verdejo. Will defo still be chuckling later…
Very Bored – Glad to have jollied up your Sunday evening. And, no, the real John McCririck wasn't there (had only just been released from Big Brother I think!)
Can only get the share button on the blog page not on the post itself. Will that do? I have tried before to get the twitter/facebook thing on the bottom of each post but despite ticking the button, it won't appear.
I have to copy and paste it into each post, there is probably an easy way to do it but I've not found it. Anyway, I have shared you with all major parties tonight, such have you made me giggle.
I did dress up the stumbled upon one a tad though to 'how many face painted John McCricicks can you get in a mini….' should have 'em flooding it.
PS do I get a prize for posting the most amount of comments on one blog post?
Very Bored – Fantastic! Thank you, what a pal!
Do you get a prize? Well as my newly-appointed agent you'll skim off the top anyway.
Only 12 jockeys in the mini? That's pathetic! Didn't they even break their legs or anything? They plainly weren't trying very hard!
Steve – I was sorry I missed that bit but they scheduled it for 12.30 and the first race wasn't until 2.30 so who knows what they did!
What a day! I can't stand John Mc so to see all those lookalikes would have been a nightmare.
I still laugh at that joke – how do you get 10 pikachu's in a mini?
Poke-em-on.
I don't really understand world record breaking attempts. Without Roy Castle and Norris McWhirter, what's the point?
Have you converted?
Deer Baby – you would have had no worries; none of them looked like John McCririck anyway.
I remember the days of Roy and the McWhirter brothers. Showing our age.
Erm, no.
Mother of the friend? should have been pleased…you gave her son a day out in the fresh air and food! result for her…..
Did you win anything with your bets by the way?
Libby – She told me he had asked the next day if he could put a bet on the rugby!
We had two small wins but they didn't compensate for the losses.
Great fun blog. I am the fundraising manager for Racing Welfare (You may have seen me wearing a dubious dress for half the day due to a wager with a bookmaker). I am glad that you agree that our Charity is a worthy cause. Good point on the conga, next year we will retry it and get the folks in the picnic area to join in. The point of the records was to add extra fun to a day at the races and raise funds for Racing Welfare. Despite our inability to resurrect either Norris or Roy from the grave to attend(we are good but not that good), racing does now have two World records to its credit.More importantly the stable lads and lasses suffering from injuries, the retired lads who live off a state pension pittance, and youngsters entering a potentially very dangerous job (ie all those folks who really make your day at the races) have an extra £3,000 in their charity's coffers to help them in times of need, all thanks to Huntingdon racegoers efforts. Thanks for coming to Huntingdon, and please do contact me on 01638 560763 for any event suggestions that may attract a family audience. PS it was my wife who was the pregnant John Mc and no, she hasn't had our foal yet….due on the 20th!
Richard – I'm delighted you've taken the time to comment on this post and you appreciate the tongue-in-cheek nature of it.
We did have a great time and certainly the record attempts encouraged us to come along. Some of the events didn't work out quite as planned but they added spark to the occasion.
I'm very pleased the events raised such a significant amount of money for Racing Welfare. I will have a think about what other family activities might encourage reacegoers and raise money too.
Wishing you and your wife all the best and that your little foal looks nothing like John McCririck either!
Trish
Here's to that, and do take us up on the suggestions offer. Any ideas are always appreciated….oh and by the way 12 jockeys in a mini is a world record and appeared on the front page of the font of all wisdom the Racing Post the next day! I do hasten to add that the previous record stood at one jockey as he drove it to the racecourse!!!!
If these events are doing jockeys in a mini then I'm certain that next year they might be up for my husband and his friends' sideshow idea. It's called "Disgust you for a pound". They say something to disgust you or you get your money back!
Richard – I once broke a record in my youth for being one of 52 (?) students to squeeze into the snug of a local pub. I'm sure I have the press cutting somewhere – ah happy memories of suffocation!
Will have a pow wow with the family and find out what else would entertain them at the races.
Misssy m – were they a bit merry when they came up with that idea?!
Did any of them look like John M??
Mammatalk – no, not even close – but they were all game and there was a surreal enjoyment to be had nonetheless!
How do you get 2 whales in a mini oh this doesn't work in print……..
I was going to start crapping on about god and jesus too but I knew you wouldn't believe a word of it from me.
I would have gone just for the jockeys in a mini skirt. Oh, you meant a car….. tsk 😉
MSG – oh my weeny brain took ages to work that out – you're right, loses it's impetus in print and yet made me laugh longer!
Cate P – now that would be worth seeing!